Deodorant

Each time I entered the room, I could not but remember the great joke one of my uncles once told us: Mujo (is a typical name for not so bright character in ex-yu jokes) comes home from the turkish bath (amam) and tells his wife (her name is always Fata) that he lost his pullover. So they start looking for it, unsuccessfully, through the house. But as, after a thorough search, none of them can find it, they just decide to forget it and go on with their lives. After two weeks Mujo comes home from "amam" extremely happy saying to Fata "Ženo (which would be something like Honey, but sounding a bit worse), I found a pullover!". Fata, happy about the good news, asks him: "So you've forgotten it at amam?" and Mujo answers "No, it was under my shirt all this time!"
He was hired to "help me" (lose my job - they forgot to mention that part) and set the tests (we never had before). But, if just once he did a thing I've asked him. No, he had to hardcode, change formatting we had for years (so I couldn't see what were the differences to previous state on the CVS), bring his "Sun" cup (I can bring a cup from Pentagon - but it doesn't make me Obama's advisor) and spread false stories (and of course pretend that he was doing the things I actually did). Btw. the Excel part is so so so true and I never did it (I am at the end of the sixth lesson in "On y va!").

"Schrödinger" - "Mamma mia" and "Oh Gott, Oh Gott" evangelist - I used to hate Kent Beck for his great invention - "Pair Programming", because I had to practice it with this person. Later on, when I actually did some things with the person who really was interested in the thing we were doing, I figured out that it really isn't so bad. You just have to know how to choose your partner (like always in life).

Imagine scenario: a project manager that actually did something and had ideas goes away, after that an incompetent software architect underestimates the cost of the first multi-tier solution he started implementing at 46 !!!?! The year ends a bit negative though all the projects were delivered on time and without errors. No ambitions, no elan among workers (except those who came last) and the other year has gloomy forecast; And the "architect" is really unhappy about himself since both his new workers already produce more than he did. So he visits a "coach" that happens to be coaching a lot of important people and has a bit slower nephew, who is already 28 and has trouble finishing studies, so if you get rid of these young people and leave someone who can cover him, "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" - we'll find projects. He can even start doing helpdesk and take over programming jobs as they come. Well, guess what this young fella's name is Thomas Ineichen and you can not find any reference to him anywhere in internet anymore.

The girl with the pearl earing

"The Architect" - he certainly acted as an architect, made most of the decisions for the parts of the software he worked with. The question is only how good these decisions were? And did he ever think further than 1 day when designing the software.

Volker von Sporschill

Il giovane (watch the initials), who in 2004 was sent to UK to lose weight and learn English. And guess who paid that: University of Bolzano. Funnily enough, they didn't pay his Etiquette lessons. Over the past few years I have started to swear like a coachman, but always the code not people. And I certainly never asked a colleague of mine if her arms are crossed under her breast, because she's afraid they might fall (not me of course, from very obvious reasons). And although I was paid 600 euro a month less than he was, I still could afford to buy new tongs for the beach and did not need to use those my mom bought me in the 80's. Crocs became popular some two years after (and they look much better btw.)

Girl Friends

rule number one when choosing female friends: they have to live near you. Rule number two: women working in your firm on the position lower than yours (when you are a woman) are never going to be your friends. Rule number three: If you have more degrees than they do, you can immediately forget it (and it is not because you are an elitist - John Lennon can be your greatest idol and you can repeat million times that degrees don' make a man, but what (s)he knows and does and how (s)he behaves. They will hate you, envy you and make you problems if they are not at least 15 years older than you. sad, sad, sad, sad!!!

rule number four: if they were born rich in a poor country and/or are much younger than you, forget it again :(

rule number five: if they tell you their ex told them they should try to be just like you (and btw. maybe he never did - I'd leave a man immediately, if he told me something like that'-).

My question is: is there a way to make a woman your friend these days? It's really tricky - because if you start hanging out with men ‐ you are automatically a whore ‐ even if you are just their wingman. But, than if you hang out with women, you end up loosing your identity. Any hints, here?